#she's going off the grid

[thebramblewood]

The old Helena can’t come to the phone right now. Why? Oh, because she’s dead.

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Thanks to @pxltown for the Social Bunny template I used as a base! HQ under the cut because I had to scrunch the dimensions a bit for the screenshot.

Julia: What am I supposed to tell Mom and Dad?

Helena: Whatever you want. I’m sure you’ll think of something.

Julia: You can’t just run off without telling them goodbye  — or telling me where you’re going!

Julia: [between sobs] Am I ever going to see you again? Will you at least call me? [sniffling] I’ll miss you, Helena. If either of them dies, I’ll never forgive you. But I’ll always love you.

Helena: I love you, too. And I’d do anything to take it all back. But I can’t, so I have no choice but to go.

[dangans-ur-ronpas]

happy pride month

[izzystizzys]

When the 212th collaborates with the 501st, chaos is sure to follow in their footsteps. This has been largely true of every engagement since the start of the war, in Cody’s experience. Had he even an ounce more of a rebellious streak, he might question why and whether the success rate is worth the feral instinct for mayhem his battalion and Rex’ awaken in each other - as it is, he simply fills out the after action reports and then screams into his pillow, which is hard as durasteel and doesn’t warrant the name.

Or, on some days, he steps into the training rooms to work off some nervous jitters only for his foot to catch on someone’s armoured shoulder and faceplant straight into what looks like the entirety of both battalions piled together in a massive cuddle pile.

“What”, he manages between gritted teeth, heaving himself up with one hand supported on Crys’ arm and the other planted in places that make Boil jackknife up with a strangled yelp, “the kriff is this?!”

“We’re watching the Corrie Reality Special, sir”, his own voice calls from somewhere across the room. “The 91st is passing by, so we have satellite access to the Coruscant Broadcast network for a few hours, and we couldn’t settle on a specific show -“

“- so we decided to watch them all”, Rex finishes, sheepishly, where he’s fought his way through wiggling piles, hoots and badly imitated monkey lizard noises. The thought that he shares DNA with these degenerates is enough to drive Cody to the brink of a nervous breakdown some days. “Spopcorn?”

Ah. The Corrie Reality Circuit. When Cody first heard of it, he’d thought it was a prank. Then, they were deployed to the middle of bumkriff nowhere on the edges of Midrim space edging on Outer Rim, with a connection so spotty even classified military intel only got through about half the time, and the whole idea got shelved in favour of clankers and keeping his General’s lightsaber in his General’s hand where it belonged.

Now, a gaudy, glittery monstrosity of a logo announcing a Coruscant Rotational special appears on a rigged up screen, which means one of two things: either Fox is pulling the Galaxy’s greatest long con on all of them, or he’s been murdered and replaced with an evil clone (ha!), because there are no circumstances in which he would agree to star on Coruscant Reality TV.

Cody tilts his head consideringly. Rex smiles at him sheepishly. Tilts the spopcorn bowl at him, invitingly.

“Oh, dank farrik, sit your shebs down!”, someone (Fives, probably) yells out, fed-up…ly.

Cody sits his shebs down.

“Good morning and welcome all of Coruscant to the Great Coruscant Rotational Special: Our Boys in Red Edition!”, a bright red Twi’leki man announces on the screen amidst cheerful jizz music and loud hooting from the training room. “My name is Braham Horton, and I will be your exalted host for this fine, fine late night cycle!”

“And now, gentlebeings of the metropolis, I present to you the images that have driven us all to laughter, joy, and even tears at times over these past few weeks - whodathunkit, that the CSF media project would enthrall a whole Galaxy of viewers and cause the largest recorded peaceful civil protest of all time?!”

“The sorry what now”, says Cody, suddenly thinking back to the urgent meeting General Kenobi was currently in with Generals Windu and Yoda - passing by on the Venator in orbit. “Uhm”, says Rex. Braham Horton, unfazed by the commotion he’s causing lightyears away, chatters on.

“- many hours, so we’ve compiled an introductory little best-of for you, exalted viewers! And what better best of to start off on than the hottest entry of the most explosive bombshell into the villa - please give it up for Commander Thorn and how he stole all of our hearts on Love Island!”

A garish, club-tech jingle Cody has so far only heard buzz through the walls of establishments that generally didn’t allow clones thrums through the training room, followed by what can only be described as the sort of noises spiced up banthas might make. Thorn appears on screen, more oiled up and half-naked than Cody remembers, though just as bleach-blond, hair slightly longer than regulation and smile blindingly perfect.

“I’m Commander Thorn, baseline twenty-four years humanoid - during daytime I might be the scourge of Coruscant’s criminal underworld, but at night I don’t mind playing good cop for you!” He punctuates it woth a sleazy wink and fingerblasters that have Rex honest-to-god gagging, and Cody seeing his life flash before his eyes. If Alpha-17 finds out about this…

Suddenly, Thorn’s smile drops in favour of what might almost be called a scowl on even his handsome face, and the music cuts out. “There, got your soundbyte. Can I go back now? I’m supposed to be on shift.” Indistinct, off-screen chatter and a captioned oopsie… appear in a shower of glitter. Thorn’s face does something complicated. “For HOW MANY MONTHS?!”

Cut to a montage of what Cody can only describe as beaches, oil and abs galore, Braham Horton narrates and extremely close-up shot of what Cody tries very hard not to identify as Thorn’s crotch. His own crotch, in a way. Oh no, that’s weird, stop that train of thought immediately-

“Although our favourite bombshell’s entry into the villa wasn’t without its hitches and hurdles-“, emphasized by a zoom-in on Thorn’s form in a speedo huddled away from a partying crowd of softcore-kriffing contestants on a yacht, “- as well as all know, he would soon find his place in the villa - or places, rather!”

Two crying humanoid women appear on screen, with eyeliner smudges down to their knees. A hoot goes through the room. Cody watches with a sense of impeding doom. “You slept with her after I chose to match up with you instead of Chad?! How could you!”

Thorn, still oiled up with both blasters out for the world to see, winces. “I didn’t me-“

A hysterical gasp, a camera swerve. Three more people stand by the doorway, all clutching their chests with wide eyes. A broad, green Twi’leki man raises a finger to point accusingly. “You were sleeping with them too?! I thought I was the only one!”

“Dear Force”, Cody murmurs, unable to look away from the building speeder wreck on screen. Braham Horton laughs good-naturedly at his misery. “Ah, good times! And who could forget the all-out brawl of the following matching night, where a record number of every single other contestant attempted to physically fight the others for the right to match up with Commander Thorn! Including a somehow returned Chad, who nearly won thanks to the element of surprise. I wish we could show the footage, but then we’d have to slap several warnings on it and probably still get taken off the air.”

“I didn’t know Corries kriffed like that!”, someone (Fives, let’s be honest, it was definitely Fives) calls out into the room, receiving snickers and a well-aimed pillow to the throat for his trouble. He goes down with a choking scream.

“Someone who was less impressed by the hot’n bothered beach weather was Commander Thire, who found himself Less than Impressed by his co-contestants inability to keep it in their pants on Too Hot To Handle!”

Thire’s face, identical to Thorn’s in every way except the ones that matter, appears on screen. His black hair is cut in a cropped mohawk, arms folded over a button-up he’s carefully pieced together with… safety pins? Where are the buttons on it?

“These people are pathological and pathetic and I will spend not a second longer on this farce of an attempt at ‘entertainment show’”, says Thire, air-quotes so sharp they could cut stone. His scowl might be permanently etched into his face, Cody can’t tell. “Unlike literally everyone else, I have an actual job to do. Now move.”

A brief pause, in which cheerful jizz music plays over what is obviously a producer begging off-camera, followed by an eyeroll so hard it hurts Cody’s brain to watch. Thire throws his hands into the air in defeat, marching off into the sea behind him still fully clothed.

“When they didn’t find him until the last episode, I’ll admit, I thought he’d died too!”, Braham Horton cuts in cheerfully. “But would you look at his little lonely island lair - now that’s a fulfilled man, and too many coconuts for my taste! We’ve had to blur his hands out as he discovered the cameras just moments before these holos were taken, unfortunately. And, dear viewer, who could forget this exit-interview for the ages!”

A considerably more clothed Thire appears on screen, eyeing a microphone like he’s about to use it to stab out his own eyes. The reporter clears their throat in audible anxiety. “C-commander, how would you describe your reality experience in one word?”

“Demeaning”, says Thire, blandly.

Silence.

“Um, o-okay”, squeaks the reporter.

“Would you like some more words?”, asks a dead-eyed Thire.

“No, um, I think - I think we’re alright.”

“Because I have many words. Mostly for whoever the *bleep* thought this was a *bleep* good idea, and *bleeeeeeee-*”

“We’ve had to censor most of the Commander’s on-screen appearance, dear viewer, for your sensibilities”, says Braham Horton, eternally and painfully cheerful. “And speaking of sensibilities, who could forget Commander Stone honouring his name in several challenges on ‘I’m A Holostar - Get Me Out Of Here!’”

Soulful violin music fills the gym, overlaid with images of a bald vod Cody surmises must be Stone. Stone stares stonily into the void, glass of bright green something raised to his lips and already half-empty.

“Memorably, he downed a pint of acklay urine within seconds-“

Horrified screams are followed by an image of Stone chewing, yet another thousand-klick stare.

“- or when he ate Tauntaun anus -“

Rex doubles over gagging, and Cody slowly puts his handful of Spopcorn back down.

“- of course the ten minute worm-bath challenge cannot go unmentioned -“

“FORCE PLEASE NO!”, screams someone (Echo) tearfully. Commander Stone, buried to the chin in wiggling orange worms, looks less impressed.

“ - and who could forget his encounter with a horde of ginntho spiders and nests of vexis snakes!”

A remote goes sailing past the screen, missing by a mile, as images of Stone with his whole arm stuck in various boxes fly past. Someone is retching. It might be Cody.

“We would show the infamous butchery challenge wherein the Commander found himself drenched in nexu guts and sandworm brains, but once again, this is family friendly programming and we are not allowed. Nevertheless, a win well-deserved. And now, please welcome the one, the only, the awe-inspiring, the unbelievable: Marshall Commander Fox!”

Another Force-awful jingle, big, blocky letters, and Cody chokes on his own spit when Fox’s scowling face appears on screen. He’s thinner, greyer and angrier than the last time they saw eachother in person. Only the last one is really a surprise.

“I am neither naked nor afraid”, says Fox, arms crossed firmly, foot tapping impatiently on the ground. “I am, however, quickly losing my patience. Explain to me again the point of spending my valuable time undressing in the middle of bum-*bleep* nowhere on the Midrim instead of doing my job as the head of planetary security in the middle of a Galaxy-wide war?”

Several beats of silence follow. Fox grows less impressed with each. Cody knows that look well. Usually, it precedes handcuffs and a cold sonic blast to the face.

“Um… you signed a contract?”, says a producer’s voice uncertainly off-screen. Fox barks out a harsh laugh. “I’m legally classified as military property, my signature holds less weight than if I’d had one of the Guard’s massiffs shit on that contract for me.”

“Ouch!”, calls Crys.

“Gettim!”, adds Longshot.

“But… don’t you sign off military documents all the time for the Senate?”, sputters the producer.

Fox smiles with far to many teeth. It’s also a look Cody knows far too well, and even lightyears away it has a shudder going down his spine.

“Really makes you think about the technicalities of that definitely-not-slave-army, doesn’t it?”, he says, dryly.

“Although considerably less naked and afraid than all other contestants, Commander Fox left us with many memorable moments - such as when he saved the entire crew from an angry Acklay!”

Most of the next holovid is blurred out, though Cody can (unfortunately) guess at the why and how. So can most everyone else, judging by the collective groan.

“Down, boy”, says Fox, flatly, to a hissing Acklay twice his size. It rears its fanged head, and a shudder goes through the room. Fox simply crosses his arms and nails the beast with an unimpressed look. “You are making a fool of both of us. Cut it out.”

Chastised, the Acklay blinks at him, slowly lowering itself back down with a confused hiss.

“No kriffing wonder all the Corrie shinies are such hardasses”, mutters Rex, whom Cody is hard pressed to agree with. “I came from a tube and that look gave me daddy issues.”

“Yes, dear viewer, who could forget these heart-warming moments of good, quality television!”, sighs Braham Horton, dreamily. “Not Coruscant anytime soon, that’s for sure! We are now entering the twentieth rotation of the sit-in protest of a petition to allow the Commanders of the Coruscant Guard to compete on Dancing With The Planets, Coruscant Rotational’s epic dance competition!”

“Dear bum-kriffing Force”, whispers Rex, wide-eyed and awe-struck. “Does Fox know about this?!”

Cody, who’s already dialing the kriffer’s comm-code, wipes a singular tear from his eye. “Not a clue, but kriff, am I going to enjoy telling him.”

[notbecauseofvictories]

also, just as a coda to that last post---if you think "spend a week making a needlessly complicated dessert" has fixed me, I was searching for ways to use up the extra heavy cream and milk....and discovered recipes for making cheese. So this inexplicable, needlessly elaborate train can just go on rolling!

[reallybadblackoutpoems]

Group chat with friends 2023

group chat with friends (2023) - ducklesspond and friends

"help mine dick thats ugly that one yes for me indeedy"

submitted by @ducklesspond

[myresearchonlife]

What I think Agent 47’s headspace (or ICA locker) looks like

[imflyingfish]

working in an art gallery and talking to a lot of full time artists has given me CRAZY imposter syndrome btw lmao

[barksback]

one day i’ll properly write the last convo jake had with his mom before being yoinked. one day .

[doomedflare]

every day i think about how jake could’ve ended up as a killer if the entity had taken him a couple years sooner

[didhewinkback]

selena gomez is so fascinating to me. like how are you that famous and that in need of attention???? and then the second you get it you're like pls leave me alone let me live????? she baffles me like babe you have 330 million followers on instagram i am so confused by the energy you present on social media. like remember when people made her blanket pic a meme very lighthearted and fun and she was like pls stop

[84reedsy]

Arrrrr Squidward.......da yee want ta play a game?

In the history of asks, I feel like this has been the absolute, hands down, MOST terrifying 😳

[takethelx3]

ABSOLUTELY PISSING MYSELF THAT SHE'D DO THIS TO COMFORT ME WHILE I'M STRESSED

[szczylpierdolony]

i should have been a murakami protagonist

[foxmulderautism]

so far the extent of beaulix in chapter one is just beau bitching that after they broke up felix never gave back his blue nike sports jacket with the grid detailing on the shoulders

[starry-saturn-nights]

Got exactly one comment expressing interest in my Tron AU that’s all I needed.

Saturn’s Self-Indulgent Tron AU:

First major change, Sam Flynn is a girl, because it’s my AU and I can do whatever I want.

Second major change, Flynn brought Sam to The Grid once before when she was younger, (maybe around 5?). It was after her mother died and he was getting overwhelmed with work and tending to The Grid, so he brought her along. Though only once because just after the ISO’s appear and The Grid becomes a political mess.

Which leads us to the start of this AU. After her father went missing Sam pretty much brushed off what she could remember of her trip to The Grid as a vivid childhood dream inspired by her father’s stories he would tell her. One day in her teens she decides to visit the arcade. On a whim she remembers in her ‘dream’ her dad had pulled back the Tron game to reveal a secret tunnel, and she sees the indents on the wall and the floor…. Which leads her to the computer, and eventually being digitized into The Grid.

After a mild freak out “holy shit it wasn’t a dream! I’m in a computer oh my god???!?” Sam cautiously steps outside the digital version of her father’s arcade. She’s wearing a jacket similar to that of her father’s casual Grid wear so imagine any passing programs surprise when someone walks out of the arcade building after it just lit up dressed like Flynn. It doesn’t take long for Programs to notice, an occupation team is sent to check it out. Luckily, Tron happened to be nearby and gets to Sam first, whisking her off to the safety of his hideout.

Now around this time in The Grid it’s maybe a bit after the first few episodes of Uprising, so eventually Tron has to introduce Beck to Sam. It’s weird at first, Beck’s a young program he’s never even seen a User before, he doesn’t even know what to really think. Eventually they grow a sibling like bond, with Beck being able to teach her about The Grid and Sam telling him about the User world (showing him movies and music downloaded onto her phone that she can watch offline cause no Wi-Fi).

[vaperarmand]

Do you have a theory on why gerri's at the next board meeting? She's not a board member right and roman fired her? Or is she just joining for the drama as she should

when it comes to succession business i am not the one so this could be straight misinformation BUT. i think although gerri says there are lawyers and people in the company who know about her presumed severance package it’s still been like barely a week since roman fired her unofficially (at logan’s request) and about 3 days since he fired her “officially” so i don’t think the firing is actually, truly official and either way they certainly don’t have new general counsel yet. and seeing as the matsson deal is one that has several legal touchpoints she is the most important person there. ofc.

my theory about it though is that i really actually doubt the firing IS official or that gerri will leave at all if there’s any indication of her future. because i honestly believe her bid to leave is just about as strong as kendall’s have been since s1 — which is to say not strong at all. despite her complicated relationships with logan and roman, and the fact that she has seemingly soured on logan and (mostly, kinda, sorta, maybe, at least to his face) soured on roman, really detaching from waystar would in a lot of ways mean admitting she was wrong about most of her career choices in the past three decades. she was the sin cake eater for a lot of sins, including cruises, and if she leaves the company now then what was it all for? plus gerri’s motivations are rarely if ever connected to money or the luxury that money provides. they’re almost always about power and its offshoots ie the respect of her male peers. getting out of waystar is essentially trading power for money and i think unfortunately gerri will choose the power every time